ENLIGHTEMENT
by stock2007
Summary: set after the season 4 finale
1. Chapter 1

ENLIGHTENMENT

Sheldon sat in his spot; he felt something was wrong. Something had changed. Sheldon disliked change. Yes, everything changes over time, he knew that, but this was affecting him.

He looked around the apartment trying to pinpoint the thing which was troubling him.

Something was missing. He needed more data.

He despised obscurity.

Life required order and structure. Without it, only confusion and disorder remained. Sheldon began silently reviewing possible contributors to his unease.

He had not eaten yet, so it was not food related.

Amy's imminent move abroad had caused only a momentary change in his daily schedule.

No, this change was far bigger than just a friend moving abroad.

A sound from the kitchen area dragged him from his thoughts.

Leonard laughed at something Priya said; he had his arm around her shoulders.

Sheldon shook his head, and sighed. Oh how he wished they could return to the days when the only female problem they had lived across the hall.

He stood quickly, moving down the hall to his room.

Leonard watched his roommate move past him "You ok there, buddy?"

Sheldon stopped at the sound of Leonard's voice, glancing over his shoulder. He looked at Leonard. _Buddy? _He shook his head before turning and going over to his desk. Picking up his laptop, he walked back to his bedroom.

Some time ago, Sheldon had formulated an algorithm to better understand: 'friendship'. Even so he was still at a loss to understand Leonard's constant need for female approval. The algorithm contained all up to date data on his friends. He recently had reviewed Penny's file, due to her foolish night of coitus with Raj.

Sheldon frowned. This illogical move on Penny's part had led to her being banished from the apartment.

As he sat on his bed waiting for his computer to finish his friendship program, Sheldon knew what was missing.

Leonard and Priya were sitting on the couch as Sheldon walked from his bedroom and made his way to the hallway door.

"Hi! Sheldon" Leonard was a little confused by his roommate's behaviour. "Going out?"

Sheldon stopped at the front door and looked over his shoulder at Leonard. "Yes" and with that he was gone. Not far as it turned out. Just as Sheldon left his apartment, Penny walked up the stairs.

He could see by the dark rings under her eyes and the puffiness of her face, life was not going well for his friend.

"Hello Penny. How was your day?"

Sheldon could see she was holding herself in check, fighting so hard not to reply with some sarcastic remark.

"Not so well Sheldon, do you want something?"

By now she was at her door; she turned and found him standing next to her "Sheldon please what is it?"

"Penny, you're my friend. I'm lead to believe friends converse"

He took a step back waiting for her reply.

Penny leaned against the door frame. Sheldon could see she was fighting to stop herself crying. She sighed before turning to face him.

"Look I've been banished from your apartment, so how can you be my friend?"

She looked at him. The full realization finally hit him his friend, Penny, was the only thing missing from his life.

Standing up to his full height, hands behind his back he faced her. "Penny, you seem to be under the false assumption that I am no longer your friend" With his head only slightly to one side, he waited for Penny to answer.

"So you don't hate me?" her voice was barely a whisper.

"You have done nothing to invalidate our friendship agreement. You did, however, display a certain lapse in judgement. Raj was possibly not the best candidate for coitus".

Sheldon saw the shadow of a smile on her face.

"Penny as we seem to have forestalled any doubts you may have had regarding our friendship, may I invite you to dinner".

Penny was taken aback "You're asking me out to dinner?" Sheldon's eyebrows shot into his hairline. It seemed to take him a moment to speak.

"Lord, No! I'm asking you to join me in my apartment for takeout"

She smiled shaking her head. "Sorry. What was I thinking?"

Sheldon wondered what Leonard and Priya would make of his dinner guest. Looking down at her, he saw Penny's genuine smile finally return. Sheldon smiled back "I'll order extra dumplings".


	2. Chapter 2

Enlightenment: chapter 2

As the door of 4a closed behind me, I knew things could never to be the same. After closing my own apartment door on the world, I shut my eyes, and slowly sank to the ground, and started to sob, no tears just a deep dry sob.

I'm not sure how long I had been slumped behind the door.

The voices from across the hall had long since gone quiet.

So after a hot shower and changing into my work things, I left the apartment. I tried texting Raj but his phone was turned off; anyway, what could I say? 'Sorry'. There are a number of sentences guys don't like to hear: 'Oh! God' the next morning from the woman you spent the night with is one and: 'It's not what it looks like' in front of his friends is another.

The problem was my mind was a blank about last night; yes I had woken up naked in bed with Raj, but not to put too fine a point on it after a night of sex there is….well, there is always a mess. On this morning there was nothing, just two naked people with hangovers.

Telling the world: 'Ok I slept with him but we never had sex'.

Yeah that would sure clear things up.

Even before the door closed at 4A, I knew Howard had been texting someone.

So now the World would know: 'Raj had nailed the hot blond".

Well it was hardly my first walk of shame.

That look on Leonard's face maybe contempt. Who knows?

The cheesy smirk on Howard's face was laughable.

It had been the look on Sheldon's face, a mixture of bewilderment and sadness?

For the first time, I saw Sheldon at a loss as to what to do.

I could see a bad week ahead, yeah real bad.

No matter how much I begged no one would swap my shift on Tuesday: 'Crazy hamburger guy is all yours'. Looking back, I was a little put out by this as Bernadette owed me a favour, but she seemed to be keeping out of my way. As it turned out none of the guys were in. I could have wept to think things had gotten this bad.

As I walked up to the 4th floor, every part of my body screamed for rest. Pulling a double shift was never easy, but when your once best friend won't even talk to you. It seems twice as long.

Bernadette was a bit of a puzzle. She seemed ok at first with the whole Raj thing.

I could hear voices behind the door of 4A…, Leonard and Priya. Before the cold shoulder by Bernadette, she had said they had moved back into Leonard's room. Raj it seemed was to be kept away from the: 'Blond slut'. Bernadette had pointed out they were Priya's words not hers.

The next day I met Leonard in the hallway He seemed ok- asking how I was and he hoped we could maybe talk later; Priya came out of the apartment just then.

It was as if someone had opened the ice box door, the look of panic on Leonard's face made it clear who the boss was.

I'd swear she slapped her leg to bring him to heel.

As they both walked down the stairs it crossed my mind to yell to them: 'that Leonard should grow a pair'. I just sighed and decided to move on. 'Why do men have to be such jurks?'

The next day as I climbed the stairs, after my latest shift from hell, I hoped just once maybe I could see one of the guys, without the ice queen being there.

I was still in self-pity mode as I turned up the last flight of stairs, and there he was.

Sheldon was leaving his apartment when he saw me. He just stood looking down at me as if nothing had happened this past week.

My mind was racing. I had hoped for this all week, and now I panicked, thinking only of getting into my apartment, and closing the door behind me. Of all the things Sheldon could have said to me: 'Hello Penny how was your day?' all but pushed me over the edge.

Looking at Sheldon's face, I bite back the bitchy reply which had been about to leave my mouth. I just need to get away, to the safety of my apartment.

I remember answering: 'not so well Sheldon' before making for my door.

Sheldon, it seemed, had no intention of allowing me to escape. As I turned around at my door, he was right behind me.

I asked him what he wanted. He simply looked at me.

Then Sheldon started talking, his voice simply washing over me. As he spoke a certain word kept breaking though like: 'friend' over and over,

I realized Sheldon had stopped talking; he seemed to be waiting for me to say something. I had no idea what to say so I just asked 'So you don't hate me?'

Sheldon started talking again, but now all I could do was smile my head started to clear and I started to hear what Sheldon was saying.

When I heard 'invite to dinner' I'm sure my jaw almost hit the floor; I pulled myself together a little and asked "You're asking me out to dinner?" As I looked at Sheldon, I had to smile- the shocked look on his face, the way his eyebrows were almost lost in his hairline. I could almost hear this brain working. It took him a moment to answer.

"Lord, No I simply asked you to join me in my apartment for takeout".

I shook my head. "Sorry Sheldon. Silly me"

Here I was standing almost toe, to toe with this sweet man and, all I wanted to do was to grab him, bury my head into his chest and cry.

Not all my friendships were over, as Sheldon moved away, he smiled.

From behind my apartment door I heard him say "I'll order extra dumplings".


	3. Chapter 3

Enlightenment chapter three

Sheldon was still smiling, as he entered 4A. It became clear that the activities that Leonard and Priya had been indulging in had migrated to Leonard's bedroom. Sheldon shook his head. The male libido was a constant mystery to him. His mind went back to the hallway: The impact of Penny's smile on him may not be a total mystery. Sheldon picked up his phone to order their dinner. He stopped- should he order for Leonard and Priya? He looked toward Leonard's bedroom. Leonard had a tendency to over react if he were interrupted mid coitus, but there was the question of dinner to consider. The question however was rendered mute, as Leonard appeared closely followed by Priya, both grinning as if to say: 'We just did it'.

"Ah good you're here, I'm ordering takeout. Will you be staying in tonight?" Leonard looked at Priya who nodded "Yeah Sheldon order for all of us". Sheldon had the menu in his hand even though they always ordered the same thing, "Yes that's right for four" Leonard looked puzzled; "Sheldon is ordering for four? Have you invited Raj over tonight? Priya simply shrugged.

Sheldon placed their order. He stopped to look at his phone for a moment before answering "No Leonard, Raj has not informed me of his intention to join us tonight". Leonard still seemed puzzled. Sheldon smiled "Penny is joining us for dinner".

Sheldon knew, of course, it was a scientific impossibly.

It seemed as if time itself stood still… until.

"Sheldon! You've. Done. What?"

Sheldon always found repeating himself to be annoying. "I fail to see how I could make myself any clearer. I've invited my friend Penny over for dinner".

It was Priya who answered "Sheldon! She is not to be allowed in this apartment" Leonard looked at his girlfriend then his roommate; he knew Priya may have gone too far. He saw Sheldon looking at him: _'Here it comes,_ thought Leonard.

"To reiterate Leonard, I have invited my friend Penny to dinner. As she will not be staying overnight, I believe I have given you adequate notice".

Leonard for some reason could only stare at his roommate. He had just had sex. That's a good thing, this should not be happening. "Do you have any idea what you're doing Sheldon?"

"Yes I'm having takeout" Sheldon seemed amused "Leonard, why do you insist on stating the obvious".

Priya watched the exchange between the roommates; she now joined in "Sheldon we agreed that she was banished from the apartment. You can't just bring her back". Leonard looked at Sheldon's face; he had seen that look before. Things were about to get bad very quickly.

When he stood up to his full height, he was an impressive sight now add his: 'kill Batman' grin and Sheldon was formidable as he looked down at Leonard's latest girlfriend. He clearly remembered how she had used his own roommate agreement against him, now it was his turn. "It seems my silence has been taken as some kind of agreement on this matter. This could not be further from the truth. Penny has not broken her friendship agreement in anyway, so for what reason should she be banished?"

Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose trying to make sense out of it all "She slept with Raj in my bed". By now Sheldon's: 'Let's be friends' mood had passed.

"Penny's much talked about night with Raj, was at best, a case of very questionable judgement on her part. It is hardly grounds for banishment. In point of fact on the night in question, Raj was my roommate so, by contract, it was his bed.

The discussion was brought to an end by a knock on the door, Sheldon moved to open the front door "Ah dinners here" Leonard was beside himself, looking from Priya to Sheldon.

"Look Sheldon you cannot do this. What are you going to say to Penny when she arrives?"

Sheldon moved to the kitchen to set out the takeout food. Leonard and Priya stared at him waiting for an answer. Sheldon looked up; a noise had caught his attention.

"Good evening Penny"

Leonard shook his head "That's what you're going to say, when she arrives?"

"Please excuse Leonard, Penny. I believe he's suffering from some form of post-coitus melancholy. He's making no sense"

Leonard and Priya turned as one, to find Penny standing in the doorway; she gave them an anxious smile "Hi. The door was open. Am I early?"

…

Penny's p.o.v

How I stopped myself from screaming, as I closed the door on Sheldon I'll never know. Was I happy? Sad? Drunk? No, just smiling like a loon.

Ok get over it Penny. It's only takeout. Let's get showered and changed. Sitting on my bed drying my hair, I could not understand what had happened. Yes, Sheldon had always been my knight in shining armour but this was a whole new level. This went beyond having my back on Halo night.

My phone buzzed for an incoming call. A text from Sheldon: 'Dinner in 10mins don't be late'. I'm so not being late for this dinner date. Date? Where had that come from? Standing outside of 4a I took a deep breath to compose myself. I could hear voices inside the apartment: 'Please God, don't let Leonard and Priya be there'. Just as I was about to knock, I noticed the door was open. Sheldon was the first one to greet me, as I entered the apartment.

….

"No! Penny, punctual as always"

Penny started to laugh. "Sarcasm"

"Yes I'm getting quite good at it". He was quite pleased with himself. His eyes, however, fell on his roommate, whom it seemed did not share their joke. Leonard's girlfriend surely did not, as she turned and stormed down the hallway to their bedroom, yelling over her shoulder "Leonard! We're leaving"

Penny sat down on the couch, as Sheldon served dinner. Penny placed her hand in the crook of his elbow. "Look you have to know how much I appreciate this". Secure in his spot Sheldon looked sideways at Penny and smiled, a warm friendly smile. She withdrew her hand and gave his arm a light punch "Cut it out Sheldon. You're freaking me out, you should have told me Leonard and Priya were still here; we don't need more unpleasantness".

"No! What I or, shall I say, _we_ need is normality and order. Now, eat. Your dinner is getting cold".


	4. Chapter 4

Enlightenment chapter four

Raj p.o.v

Life sucked. I had always suspected it, now I knew. All I had to do was to speak up, or try to, but no- as Penny walked out of the apartment, I said nothing.

Even after the door had closed behind Penny, I could have said something but I had kept quiet. Letting her take the blame and the shame: 'Yes life indeed sucked'.

I had been so swept up with the laughing and back slapping, all of which had come from Howard. Him and has stupid blog within hours I was: 'the Indian stud'. Howard was even trying to sell my story to Playboy.

I had not spoken to Penny since that morning; a text message was ready on my phone. All I had to do was press…. 'Send'. Thinking about that night with Penny, how drunk we both were, the way she had let me carry her to the bedroom. Her sweet kiss…then blank. My mind was a total blank. Yes, I remembered waking up naked next to Penny and it was as amazing as all the times I had dreamed of doing that. No. I had to make this right; the sadness on Sheldon's face, as he had looked at Penny left a hollow spot in the pit of my stomach.

Penny and Sheldon were both my friends: 'I owed them the truth'. Standing outside of 4A, I tried to think of what I could say, what would be the worst that could happen? Priya would yell at me. Big deal.

…...

Raj walked straight into 4A, without knocking, he was feeling brave tonight.

"Sheldon I need to talk to yooooow." As soon as Raj caught sight of Penny, his selective mutism kicked in. His first instinct was to turn and run. Sheldon, however, had other ideas "Raj, sit down." Even Penny was taken aback by the tune of his voice.

Raj very reluctantly sat down facing Penny and Sheldon.

"We seem to have an abundance of takeout, will you join us?" Raj nodded his head as Sheldon stood up and moved to the kitchen area. Raj looked down at the floor he could not meet Penny's eyes.

Penny could not bear it "Raj we're ok. I need you as my friend" Raj slowly looked up, a slight smile on his face. Sheldon placed his takeout on the coffee table, plus one bottle of beer.

"Your limit is one bottle as we need to talk, no more. I've seen the consequences of alcohol on both of you." Sheldon looked at Penny and Raj who both burst out laughing.

As Raj drank his beer, he looked at Penny: "I'm so sorry Penny. I should have spoken up earlier." Sheldon looked anything but impressed "That would seem a rather moot point; it seems you were very neglectful in regard to your friendship with Penny."

"Penny I'm so" Raj was cut off by the appearance of Priya and Leonard from the bedroom.

"Rajesh, why are you here? I told you to keep away" Raj turned and looked angrily at his sister.

"I'm not a child; I'm a grown man. I will do as I please." Raj turned back to Penny "Penny that night may have been a mistake, but I'm not sorry for everything we did. I just hope I was a gentleman. Sadly, I still can't remember thing about it."

Penny stood up and, walked up to Raj. She stroked his face "Raj you were the perfect gentleman all night, and I thank you for it." Priya looked at Penny, who went back to sit next to Sheldon. She glared at her brother before storming out of the apartment, closely followed by Leonard as he passed the couch he whispered "Call me" to Penny, who burst out laughing before the door closed.

Raj stood up "I'm sorry Sheldon but I need another beer." While Raj was getting his beer, Sheldon looked down at Penny and smiled. He whispered "Did _anything_ actually take place that night?" Penny looked up at his face and returned his smile and shrugged "Well…"


	5. Chapter 5

Enlightenment chapter five

"Did anything actually take place that night?" Sheldon said as he looked at Penny.

Penny found herself smiling without even thinking why. She tried to explain just as Raj came back with his beer. She stopped talking, seeing the puzzled look on Raj face. The rest of the evening went well; things were just a little strained. Sheldon would frown whenever Raj moved from his seat; she thought it was sweet the way he refused to allow Raj to be alone with her.

There was a fairly heated argument when Sheldon needed to go to the bathroom, but the less said about that outcome the better.

Sheldon allowed Raj to sleep in Leonard's room till things were cleared up, however he insisted Raj sign a new temporary roommate agreement.

Penny stood in her apartment making a hot drink before bed, when she heard Sheldon's special knock. She opened the door to find him standing in the hallway in his pyjamas and robe. "Hi Sheldon you're up late. Trouble sleeping?" She nodded to the couch. "Sit down I'm making cocoa." After she placed their cocoa on the coffee table, Penny sat and looked at Sheldon. She thought to hold his hand but remembered who she was sitting with. "Ok, something is troubling you. What is it?" Between his eye twitch and the way he stared at his hands, she knew he was struggling with a problem.

"Penny, as you can see, I have been unable to obtain my required REM sleep tonight. This of course, is you're doing."

She felt a little sheepish. After everything that had happened, she did not want anything to spoil it. "Look, Sheldon I'm sorry, but come on how am I to blame for you're not sleeping?" Taking a drink of his cocoa he turned and looked at her. Sheldon shook his head. "Penny, where do I begin?"

"For some time, I have been working on a hypotheses, although it is important to me I have however been remiss in its progress." Penny looked to ask a question, but Sheldon stopped her with a wave of his hand.

"I would ask you allow me to finish, at which point I will answer your questions. As you know in the past I have been able to call upon; Amy Farrah Fowler as a sounding board on social and emotional matters." Penny felt slightly uneasy on hearing that. "However, since her move abroad that is no longer possible. Recent events have shown that I must- I believe the term is: 'Deal'.

I have for some time now thought of you as my best friend, a post Leonard relinquished on our return from the Arctic." Sheldon stopped and seemed to be collecting his thoughts; Penny just sat wondering what this was leading to. A tiny feeling deep inside of her was slowly trying to grow. She hoped it wasn't just the takeout coming back. She was startled as he started to speak again.

"It seems your former friends and my former roommate found it distasteful that you spent the night with Raj." Penny was taken aback by his bluntness. "I consider myself above such base feelings.

I was however raised to believe that trust is the very foundation on which a friendship or, if you will, a relationship relies. So, if our friendship paradigm were to shift in any way, I find myself wondering, can I trust you Penny?"

Penny felt a lump in her throat; she had not expected this from him. She tried to take in what Sheldon had just said. At first she had hoped he was talking about a relationship. Then Sheldon's last words had hit her: 'Can I trust you? Penny sat for a moment looking at his face, before answering.

"Sheldon, I make mistakes. We all do.

"I don't" He said evenly.

_Yes,_ Sheldon! Even you. Who lost his pants on the night of the Chancellor's award?" I've upset a lot of people. It will take me some time before I can regain their friendship and trust." Penny looked directly at Sheldon. "I can only hope they'll let me try"

She sat with her hands in her lap waiting for Sheldon to respond. His face was pensive staring at the floor.

For the first time in his life Sheldon had to deal with emotions, instinctive feelings he had always thought alien to him. The great mind of Sheldon Cooper was struggling to find an answer. He suddenly looked up; turning to face Penny she could see the slightest of smiles on his face.

"Mary Cooper don't raise no quitters, so I'm willing to allow our present friendship paradigm to continue. As to whether said friendship will change to anything further will be determined at a later date"

Penny stared at Sheldon biting her lip, struggling to take in what he'd said. She looked up at his face. "So we're still friends?"

Sheldon could only look down at his friend and sigh "Penny, I fail to see how I could possibly be any clearer" He seemed to sigh again, before looking back at Penny. "But Mary Cooper also didn't raise no fools" Sheldon's eyebrow rose and the slight tilt of his head left Penny in little doubt of what he meant.

"Sheldon, we're human. The odd slip up along the way is what makes life worth living" Sheldon could only stare at her. "Not in my world."

Penny tried hard not to laugh but the look of shock on his face was too much. "Yes sweetie even in your world, but I'm sure you'll be happy in the knowledge that when you slip, I'll be right behind you to pick you up."


End file.
